


Light to Lean On

by KCKenobi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano-centric, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e16 Altar of Mortis, Everyone Needs A Hug, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mortis (Star Wars), Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Post-Episode: s03e17 Ghosts of Mortis, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Protective Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space References, The Dark Side of the Force, Zigoola, lineage feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25860679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCKenobi/pseuds/KCKenobi
Summary: In the wake of their time on Mortis, Ahsoka grapples with the memory of what happened to her – and the darkness that remains. Anakin and Obi-Wan remind her who she is, and who she has beside her.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 18
Kudos: 248





	Light to Lean On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lightasthesun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightasthesun/gifts).



> A huge thank you to [ lightasthesun ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightasthesun) for requesting this on tumblr!

Anakin couldn’t stop the images from flashing through in his head.

Even with his eyes closed, he saw her there – Ahsoka, skin cracked and discolored, drained of all but the darkness. The Son tapping her forehead, sucking the lifeforce from her. The Daughter falling. The Father leaning over them both. And then the nightmare he already knew would never leave him — Ahsoka’s lifeless body, limp on the Altar of Mortis, empty of light, empty of life, empty, empty, _empty_ —

Anakin’s throat tightened as he pushed out of his seat. He needed to get out of the cockpit.

“Where are you going?”

For some reason, Ahsoka’s voice brought him chills. Hearing it felt unnatural – like speaking to a ghost. He turned to find her by the viewport, knees pulled up to her chest, and something in her eyes made him pause.

Darkness.

Anakin looked away. “Hyperdrive needs work,” he said. “Might as well use the time to make the repairs.”

He saw Obi-Wan open his mouth – presumably to point out that nothing was wrong with the hyperdrive – but one glance from Anakin and the words died on his lips. Ahsoka climbed out of her seat and into the pilot’s chair, taking Anakin’s position at the helm as he turned to go.

“Wait. There’s an asteroid belt,” she said quietly, and he froze in the doorway. “Should I take us through or go around?”

“Whatever, Snips,” he said. His voice caught on the nickname – _Don’t call me that,_ she’d hissed on Mortis… “I trust your judgement.”

He was halfway out the door when he heard her mumble, “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

Anakin stopped. “What?”

“Nothing,” Ahsoka said softly. “I said I’ll take us around.”

She sat stiffly beside Obi-Wan, gripping the helm, her eyes trained on the stars ahead. Anakin didn’t need to be Force sensitive to feel the anguish rolling off of her, yet he felt paralyzed there in the doorway. _She doesn’t remember what happened,_ he told himself. _Right?_

“Ahsoka…”

“Go take care of the hyperdrive.”

“I’d rather take care of _you_ , actually,” Anakin said. “What’s going—”

“Nothing,” she said. “I’m just tired.”

“There’s something else.”

“There’s not.”

Anakin looked to Obi-Wan, sending a silent plea for advice, but Obi-Wan gave a tiny shake of his head. This was Anakin’s place to intervene – he was her Master. But as he stared at the back of her head, wishing he could read the thoughts within it, he was drawing a blank.

“The hyperdrive can wait, you know. I could use the exercise, if you wanted to spar,” Anakin said.

“No.”

“Come on,” he tried again. If he could just get her out of her own head, get her lightsabers in her hands, maybe… “We have some drills to run anyway. I noticed your technique is a little sloppy with the backhand when you were—”

“Good,” she whispered, and the coldness in her voice stopped him short. “At least then I won’t be able to hurt you.”

Anakin froze. And as he and Obi-Wan both stared at her, he suspected they shared the same thought:

_What does she remember?_

He steadied himself on the doorframe. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“Not for lack of trying.”

Ahsoka’s eyes were locked on the hands in her lap, staring as if she’d never seen them before.

“I drew my lightsaber on you. I remember. I don’t even…I don’t know—” She swallowed hard. “They were inside my _mind_.”

Obi-Wan searched her face. “I thought you didn’t remember anything after the Son took you.”

“Not at the end,” she nearly whispered. “By then, there was no one left to do the remembering.” She finally turned around, and the emptiness in her eyes was eerie – she was there, but she wasn’t. Like some part of her had stayed behind, limp on the Altar of Mortis. “But at first…I did. I knew what I was doing,” she continued. “I just couldn’t stop.”

“It wasn’t your fault, young one,” Obi-Wan said.

“But it was.”

“You were manipulated,” Anakin said.

“Manipulated with the darkness that was already inside me.” Ashoka crossed her arms over her middle, as if to barricade herself. “I wanted you dead. I _remember_ that feeling. It was in there, in my head, and—I’m capable of it. You saw.”

“Ahsoka—” Obi-Wan began.

“I’m dangerous, I’m—” Her voice broke. “There was just so much darkness.”

And that’s when she began to cry.

“Hey,” Anakin murmured. He came back to the helm and knelt beside her, and Obi-Wan switched the ship over to auto pilot as he too came to her side. “Hey. You’re not dangerous.”

“I am.”

“And you’re not made of darkness just because there’s darkness within you,” Anakin said. _I should know_ , he thought. “It’s like the Father said—balance. In the universe, sure. But in us, too. We’re not pure light. And we’re not meant to be.”

She tried to turn away from him, but Obi-Wan was on her other side. She settled for pulling her knees to her chest and burying her face in them. Her shoulders shuddered.

“It’s just…when they’re inside your _head_ ,” she said. “You feel like—you don’t even know who you really are. Your mind isn’t yours. And if you can’t control what you think, and what you do, what are you?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes flickered up to Anakin’s before landing on Ahsoka again. “Sometimes our minds do betray us. Even without the interference of the Dark Side,” he said softly. “But even so, the heart remains. Yours did, Ahsoka. You fought the dark. And you’re fighting it now.”

She sniffled. “I’m just…what if it’s a losing battle?”

“If I know you,” Anakin said, smiling slightly as he put a hand on her wrist and squeezed, “it won’t be.”

For a moment, the only sound was the ship’s low droning and the rhythm of quiet breaths. And as he watched Ahsoka rub her eyes, felt Obi-Wan’s watchful silence and the whisper of calm he was sending her through the Force, Anakin thought of the things he _did_ want to remember. Ahsoka’s smile when she’d come back to life. The three of them cracking jokes on the ship when they’d first landed. Snorting as Ahsoka pulled on safety goggles to fix the shuttle, teasing her for how huge they made her eyes. Those moments, simple as they were, were times when the darkness couldn’t touch them.

“I know there’s light inside me,” Ahsoka said. “But it’s a candle. And back there, my mind felt like…like…”

“A hurricane,” Obi-Wan supplied, and she nodded. “And no matter how high you build the walls around your tiny flicker of light, the wind seems to tear it down brick by brick.”

Ahsoka looked up then, nodding, her eyes questioning. “You talk like you know.”

When Obi-Wan suddenly seemed unable to meet her eyes, the realization hit Anakin square in the chest.

_Oh._ Obi-Wan _did_ know.

Months had passed since Obi-Wan’s mission to Zigoola, a Sith planet out in wild space. But even now, the effects lingered – the place had been essentially toxic to Jedi.

“There was a time,” he said, then hesitated. The mission was classified – technically, Anakin wasn’t even supposed to know the details – and he could see the conflict in Obi-Wan’s eyes as he decided how vague to be. “I was manipulated by the Sith. They were inside my mind, much like the Son was in yours. And I—I’ve never felt lower than I did then.”

He swallowed, and Anakin could practically see the unpleasant memories reflected in Obi-Wan’s eyes. _Feeling low_ was an understatement, he knew. In the weeks that followed, Obi-Wan barely slept, barely ate, barely spoke unless spoken to. Anakin couldn’t imagine what it had been like on Zigoola itself – Obi-Wan had told him about the visions and hallucinations and mental siege, but he suspected he’d downplayed it. When Anakin asked Bail Organa later, the senator could only shake his head.

“But I was sustained by the knowledge that light did exist,” Obi-Wan continued, “if not my own, then someone else’s. Anakin’s. Yours.” Obi-Wan nudged Ahsoka’s shoulder, and warmth flickered across her face. “I know there is darkness in me, still,” he said. “But it is not who I am. Because even if I can’t find it within myself, the light is still there. And I am still choosing to look for it.”

Ahsoka was crying even harder now, but in her eyes, the fear and despair had begun to melt away. And then suddenly she was leaning into Anakin, her face buried in his chest, and Obi-Wan had a hand on her shoulder as she whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—” over and over and over again.

And together, they held her.

“You are not the thoughts in your head,” Obi-Wan was murmuring.

“You’re not what they made you do,” Anakin said. “You are more than just dark or just light, more than the fear of falling, more than what’s been done to you.”

Ahsoka pulled back and looked up into his face, and into Obi-Wan’s. Anakin felt his own eyes burn.

“And you’re going to be okay.”

His voice caught as the memory came to him again – her empty eyes, empty spirit. He had felt it then, the temptation to fall, if only for a moment. It wouldn’t have been the first time he succumbed to darkness of his own. But each time, every moment he felt he was nearing the edge, ready to crumble at any moment, he found it there—

Not his own light. But hers. Obi-Wan’s. Light to lean on, when he had none of his own.

And he would lend it to her now.

“Thank you,” Ahsoka murmured. She palmed at her eyes, blurring the tear tracks there. “Thank you.”

Anakin nodded, and Obi-Wan gave her shoulder a squeeze. And without a single word, the knowledge passed between them – she would heal. They all would.

“I’m proud of you,” Anakin whispered. And when Ahsoka smiled, her eyes dry at last, he knew it was safe to add: “Even if you _are_ a little sloppy on the backhanded grip.”

At that, a tiny smirk pushed onto her face – _there_ was the Ahsoka he knew.

“It didn’t seem to stop me from kicking your butt on Mortis.”

Anakin made a face of mock betrayal – both at Ahsoka’s jibe and Obi-Wan’s muffled laughter.

“Well,” he said, “it sounds like we have a score to settle. Care for a rematch?”

She grinned, wiping the last of the moisture from her face. “You’re on.”

When he saw her hesitate to draw her lightsabers, a flicker of darkness in her eyes again, Anakin didn’t say anything. But soon enough, the shadow was gone – lost in the flurry of parries and feints, in Obi-Wan’s voice calling “watch your grip,” in Ahsoka’s cry of “ha!” as the hilt of her saber clocked Anakin’s head.

And along with their laughter, something else filled the shuttle then.

Light.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hello on [ my star wars tumblr (kckenobi) ](https://kckenobi.tumblr.com/) I’ve been posting a lot of little drabbles on there lately, and taking requests!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3 Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
